By George Kimando
From the outset, I must declare that I am a professed, convicted and practised monogamist. I actually don’t understand where men get the energy to handle more than one woman at any given time; I mean, one is…is…is…(I love my life, so…)…is more than enough, right?
But let’s be honest here. And moral cops, please let me finish.
There is no child without a father. Even those street children have – mostly – living fathers somewhere, some doing very well in life.
At the same time, there are too many women showing up upon the death of a man with the undeniable evidence of children who are absolute replicas of his other children with the known wife, much to the heartbreak and confusion of the family. Don’t even mention the fights over inheritance.
Also, there are too many ‘stable affairs’ happening around. By this I mean married men, who are consciously in second or third consistent relationships with a woman or women other than the legally acknowledged wife. They could even be having children, some named after the man’s parents.
Simply put, there are too many ‘hidden’ families.
The main reason these relationships and families are kept secretive is because religion (largely Christianity) has bastardised polygamy and stigmatised those in it.
That’s why today, very many professed Christians, who made wedding vows of ‘one and only’ are in known and secretive multiple relationships. This is the hypocrisy religion has forced unto many and which must be called out.
Polygamy had an honourable place in our culture. But like many things that held us together, the entry of Christianity aggressed against it as an evil practice that had to be discarded.
It was extremely rare, if ever, to hear of prostitution in our polygamous traditional society. Every woman had a husband and a home. Even widows were taken care of. The presently acclaimed single motherhood was essentially nonexistent.
All people belonged.
If a parent died, others in the family stepped in, and the loss was mitigated.
Everyone looked out for the other; cohesion from the immediate family, to the clan, to the community was guaranteed.
This is part of the social fabric that the colonist had to break to facilitate the subjugation of Africa.
We need to understand that even in the traditional society, polygamy was not for everybody. Today, even in the much touted Muslim culture, which allows marriage of up to four women, it rarely happens. Actually, all of my married Muslim friends, and they are quite a sizeable number, are in monogamous marriages.
When Kiambu Woman Rep Gathoni wa Muchomba, a while ago publicly declared support for polygamy, she was vilified by many (especially women) as a home wrecker.
But truth be told, she was merely stating the reality of the numbers in unofficial polygamy.
Perhaps, if we approached the matter with more sobriety than emotional activism, we’d see the reality as it is and create structures towards making it open and palatable.
Once again, I must reiterate that this is not – and i repeat NOT – advocacy for promiscuity and promotion of male chauvinism; those have their place in our hierarchy of disdain and contempt.
But if a man can hold up his own five wives and 30 children and fulfil every obligation demanded of him, let priest and pastor marry them off and let them be!
Moral cops, you can now ask if a woman can hold up her seven men and be left in peace.
Well, if her seven men can give her peace and are at peace with it, who are you to judge? I hope my priest does not read this bit.
Have a thoughtful Sunday, and a great week ahead.
