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Letter to The ‘Modern’ Man And Woman: Do Your Stupid Thing Alone

by litfeed
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I highlight the ‘MODERN’ description deliberately.

Today am tardy upset.

A disclaimer from the word go though: this is not a generalized address to all men and women, but to them that belong to the description below.

If you are the kind of woman that think all men are dogs (that should include your dad and son too, right?), that submission is old school and not for the modern you, that if you are financially independent you can do without a man (and buy them off when you need one)…and all those justifications to diminish men as simply carriers of YOUR next generation, this is for you.

If you are the kind of man that thinks all women are gold diggers (that should include your mother and daughter, right?), and that women seek you for your providence, that women are merely physical objects for your carnal gratification (and can buy them off on a ‘need’ basis)…and all those justifications that women are a ‘necessary evil’, this is for you.

Let me give you the background.

Last Sunday’s missive (AN ODE TO THE BOY CHILD, AND THE MAN) elicited numerous pretty emotive reactions. I won’t go into them – they are quite massive – but will make a general response to them, focusing on the minority ones that chose to go on a war path.

A while ago, i may have been annoyed by such. Not anymore. Thank God for the grace and lessons of time and the years gone by.

Women bashed men (the majority) and men made quite an effort to bastardize women.

Let me put it bluntly.

Women, remember that those sons you are bringing up while bashing men hear you and will one day be someone’s husband or father. That man you bash with most unpalatable adjectives is a woman’s (like you) son, a brother to a sister (like you) or a male relation to a woman like you.

Men, remember that those daughters you are bringing up while bashing women hear you and will one day be someone’s wife or mother. That woman you discredit with adjectives that satan would happily use is a man’s (like you) daughter, a sister to a brother (like you) or a female relation to a man (like you).

Whatever differences you have with the opposite gender (majority were from single women bringing up children alone and from men meeting financial obligations for children living with ‘baby mamas’), especially where children are involved, please keep them to yourselves. Tafadhali.

Those children were never there in your ‘feel good’ stage and they certainly do not deserve the fumes from your toxic stage. Do your stupid without involving them!

Learn your respective roles, especially if you are living together.

Men, take charge. You don’t have to repeatedly keep asking ‘do you know who is in charge here?’ Your character and the way you carry yourselves doesn’t need validation; it should come naturally.

The same goes for women.

The ‘women be submissive to your husbands’ commandment is balanced by ‘men, love your wives as Christ loved the Church, His Bride, to a point of dying for her’. It’s never a one way avenue.

Children, for your information, are pretty intelligent. They don’t need to be told who they should look up to. No amount of beating or bribing them will sway their perception, especially when are all grown up.

(By the way, beating of children in pre-colonial Africa was rare. Corporal punishment came with colonialism. Indeed, whites did not, and do not, administer corporal punishment to their children. It was meant to degrade and subjugate Africans into submission. But i digress.)

What’s my point?

Relationships, especially marriage, should not be a competition between men and women.

If you are not cut out for one, accept your situation with GRACE. Yes, GRACE. And do not demonize those who are happily (or otherwise – they have their reasons) in theirs.

If you are a man or woman who thinks that the other gender is only attracted to you because you are financially, physically, academically and materially endowed – and by dating or marrying them you are doing them a favour – try and line up all those possessions in bed and let them give you the comfort a spouse or partner would.

If they can’t, know your place, keep to your lane, and be at peace with it.

Any other justification is outrightly silly and downright stupid. You can walk away without the noise, can’t you?

Have a pragmatically thoughtful Sunday, and a great week ahead.

By George Kimando

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